In this post, I will not say that we should always look at the positive side of things. It will be about something else. Many people, including me, have habits that negatively affect their perception of the world. I want to share something I’m working on myself. These small changes in behavior help me to perceive life and events easier, better and more positively.
As Agatha Christie wrote in her autobiography, ” If I could make a gift to a newborn, I’d give him one thing; a good character.”Optimism and love of life are a great gift. If a person is endowed with them from birth, s/he is very lucky.
There are people who initially have a more negative picture of the world in their heads. Often this prevents a person from developing, learning new things and simply enjoying life. The steps below will help to change the situation and tune in a more positive way.
Check your thoughts with reality
Obsessive thoughts that something may go wrong can significantly spoil the mood. A simple example: I need to make several flights, including a transatlantic one, and I’m scared to fly. Naturally, in my head there are a lot of scenarios of how things can go wrong. Such thoughts provoke anxiety, and it affects everything.
To restore calm, I remind myself that over the past three months, which I spent in Argentina, such flights are operated twice a day. And everything is okay. According to statistics, the chances that everything will go well are way higher.
To worry less, I watch programs and read articles about how planes work. This helps me to better understand what is happening during the flight. I also pay attention to the crew. For them it’s just work, a routine. Their calmness is transmitted to me.
Thus, I check my thoughts with what is happening in reality, and it makes me feel better.
Assume that the other person is guided by the best of intentions
It happens that the actions of other people hurt and offend us. We can become cold with these people or even stop communicating with them. Often in such situations, we ourselves worry too much and feel bad because of the situation.
At the same time, it may well turn out that the person who offended us didn’t want that at all. It is possible that s/he said or did something, trying to help, support, suggest a solution to a problem, or simply expressed his or her concern.
The result is an unpleasant situation due to a banal misunderstanding. For this reason, it is always (or in most cases) better to assume that the person was guided by the best of intentions before drawing any conclusions.
All people are different. They think, feel, love, care and try to be useful in different ways. We should keep it in mind.
Do not take the bad mood of others personally
One of the most common situations: you talk to a friend, and you see that s/he reluctantly responds, or s/he doesn’t want to communicate at all. Often this is taken as a sign that you did something wrong and offended your friend. However, you should remember that s/he may have many other reasons why s/he is in a bad mood today.
We are all human. We have our ups and downs. Unfortunately, not everyone can control their emotions and protect others from the showing off negativity. It happens that a person just wants to keep quiet. This is completely normal. It happens that silence alone is sad and boring, but with a friend is somehow more comfortable.
From a psychological point of view, the presence of other people helps us feel better. Even if no contact with them occurs. Therefore, if you see that your friend is out of sorts, you may just need to be close and keep quiet. And everything will be ok.
If you are in a bad mood and your friend has nothing to do with it, it is important to tell him or her about it. Otherwise, he or she may take it personally and get worried for no reason.
If you want to be alone, it’s better to say it directly. However, remember that the presence of other people has a positive impact on health. Especially of your loved ones.
See the good in others and assume that they see the good in you
Usually, we judge others by ourselves. And if we are accustomed to pay attention to the shortcomings and negative points in other people, then we believe that they are doing the same. Therefore, when someone in the street gives us a look, often the first thought that comes to mind is “Something is wrong with me” or “Why do they look at me like that?”
We perceive the attention of others rather negatively. To change this, you need to shift your focus to the merits of others, their positive aspects. For example, I often notice beautiful people or something beautiful and interesting in others. Therefore, if I see that someone is looking at me, I think that I just look good and it is pleasant for a person to look at me.
It doesn’t matter if it really is so. Another person may have completely extraneous thoughts in his or her head. And s/he may not look at me, but through me, thinking about his or her own stuff. It’s all about my perception and attitude. If I think about the good, my mood will improve, my self-confidence will increase, and this will have a positive effect on everything else.
Admit the possibility of developments in a positive scenario
How often do we think it won’t work? For example, we are getting ready for an interview, and are mentally preparing for failure. Or, having lost our jobs, we believe that we won’t find anything better. This applies to all areas of our lives. The main thing is, again, the attitude.
I, as a person strongly inclined to negative thinking, have to retrain myself to look at the situation from the other side. This is especially true now, when in my life there are big changes. Uncertainty scares and makes me doubt myself. However, I remind myself that by my 30 years I had had a lot. So I am capable, if not for more, then certainly for as much.
It is enough to admit the possibility that everything may turn out positively (not as an auto-training to repeat “Everything will be fine!” although it is not a bad thing, but to accept that everything can really work out in your favor), andit will help to form new neural connections in your brain.
The more you think about it, the more automatic the reaction will be. As a result, you will believe in better. This means that the uncertainty will not scare you. Your life will become calmer and more pleasant.
Last, but not least: be kinder to others
It would seem so simple. But for some reason many people have big problems with that. It is enough to just see comments on the Internet…
Take care of yourself, your loved ones and try to be kinder in general. The negative accumulates inside and never plays in your favor. Be kind, it is healthier 🙂