Have you ever considered yourself a loser? Have you justified your losses and other troubles by this? Have you felt unfairly deprived while others were fortune’s darlings? If you answered yes, then this post may help you look on your situation from another point of view.
I’ve been a sore looser since I was a child. We played board games mostly with my father. He never gave in and liked to tease the ones who lost. I’ve always been among the latter due to absence of strategic thinking and ingenuity.
Over the years, unfortunately, little has changed in this aspect of my life. I tried a lot of games, but at such ones as chess, Monopoly, Uno and the like, I was still too bad. For this reason, I just stopped playing them.
When I came to Argentina in November last year, my boyfriend Martin decided to show me some local games that they have saved since some very old times. Among others, there was the game Estanciero. This is an Argentine analogue of Monopoly.
I decided that it was my time to learn how to play and lose with dignity. However, this was not the case. The first loss brought me to tears. I was so hurt! It seemed so unfair! Luck totally was not on my side!
Then a saving thought crept into my head: it’s all because I’m a loser. Yes. Martin has luck all the time. The dice fall out in the best way, he gets a lucky card. But I am unlucky and that’s it. This is unfair!
Is it really so?
A little bit about the rules: the board has provinces and enterprises scattered across. As soon as a player acquires a full province, he can buy “chakras” and “stations” (estancias), which greatly increases the cost of renting the square of the playing field. The provinces consist of 2-3 cells located nearby. Enterprises are scattered across the board.
Since we are playing in two, then if at least one player does not have a whole province, there is no point in playing, because he is likely to lose. So despite the fact that I almost always was the first one to get the whole province, I was upset that Martin got a good card or that he could make two additional moves.
I only saw how he gets money from the bank, but not how he spends it. I noted that he does not fall on the cell of my province, but not how he falls on the penalty cells and pays for it.
The realization that something was wrong with my worldview came after my first and absolute gain. I enjoyed the victory and considered that having a positive experience would help me to perceive the subsequent games easier. I was wrong.
In some incomprehensible way, Martin always bought up all or almost all the enterprises, and I invariably got into them. In this new game, after my victory, he bought an enterprise from the very first moves. And here I was again seized by the feeling of injustice and self-pity.
At first I kept silence, but after 5 or 6 purchased by him companies I could not stand it and expressed my indignation at him being so lucky. At the same time, I already had a full province, but I did not care. I was angry at the fact that every time Martin buys up all or almost all of the enterprises, but I don’t get any them.
Martin drew my attention to the fact that I actually have a whole province while he didn’t, and therefore all the chances to win. Nevertheless, he said, I continue to whine and complain that I constantly have no luck. But this is not so! I won the last game. I just make bad decisions often.
And then I thought: hey, he was right! The statement that I constantly have no luck is fundamentally wrong. There really is an element of luck in this game (we throw dice in the end), but it can change at any time. Besides, I had won before, and all the time I was the first one to receive a whole province, and this can hardly be called a bad luck.
That’s when I realized I wasn’t a loser. I act like a child, and I whine if I don’t get it all at once. It was a big discovery, it completely changed my mind in this matter.
What is the difference?
When I admit I’m a loser, it makes me feel better. Why? Because I can blame everything on fate and bad luck. Indeed, what to do? I just have no luck, little depends on me here.
However, if I admit that this is not the case, and I am just a whiner, the situation changes. In this case, my behavior and emotions are completely under my control. This means that I can influence the situation. It also means that the whole thing is just a lack of practice, underdevelopment of certain skills and a banal absence of work on myself.
Another important aspect of this discovery is that it is very difficult to admit to being a whiner, as it is quite humiliating. However, there is a positive side. As I said before, it means that I have the power change everything.
How to do it?
The short answer is very simple: learning, training and practice, practice, practice. In my case, we agreed with Martin to periodically play Estanciero, behaving decently. Calmly and politely. Trying to shift my focus to my lucky moments and generally to myself.
Martin, I must say, was also not very pleased when I ruined him to pieces. However, after completing the game, he found the strength to congratulate me on my winnings and be proud for me. I try to follow his example.
In general, it is clear to me what qualities I lack to win. I can acquire, develop and train in various ways. It is not necessary to immediately fit into the numerous monopoly tournaments to sharpen the art of losing. There are many ways to develop my strategic thinking and wit.
I, for example, installed various games on my phone to help myself. Martin periodically gives me hints on how best to move in Estanciero. I also read specialized literature on negative thinking and just positive books to change my mindset.
In the future, I plan to study the art of strategy more, learn to play chess and checkers, and continue to practice such games as Monopoly or Estanciero.
The main things that my discovery gave me are realization that I can influence the situation and a positive attitude. I know that I learn easily, and acquired skills will help me in other areas of life, too.
Have you ever considered yourself a loser? Are you ready to admit being a whiner and take responsibility for the situation? Or do you think this will not help?
I wish you success in work on yourself and good luck! 🙂